Forgiveness

Bids

 * Questions about forgiveness, your relationship to it, seeing bids for it from others
 * Can you think about an instance in which your partner tried to repair their relationship with you?
 * Did you recognize the attempt at a repair when it was happening?
 * Does a repair have to show up in a certain way for it to count?
 * If your partner is limited in their ability to make a bid for repair the way you need them to, could you accept their effort to make an attempt?
 * Did you really want them to repair the relationship or did you want them to experience the hurt you experienced?
 * When there is an attempt at a repair, did you allow that to be received? Or did it result in more hurt?  Did it activate the need for other repairs?
 * Do you know how to forgive or reconcile with someone?
 * What are your beliefs and thoughts around forgiveness in a relationship?
 * What words do you use for forgiveness?
 * How does it feel to say these words?
 * What is the cost for you if you choose not to receive the bid for a repair? What is the cost for your partner?

Shame

 * Can you think of an instance in which you were wrong? Maybe you were suppose to say something and you didn't. Maybe you didn't say something and you were suppose to. Perhaps: You did not say something with the right attitude. You were unkind. Or impatient.  Or thoughtless. The behavior you chose was not what was needed. Or it was hurtful.
 * Write it down. Name it.  State it simply without explanation because you know what it is or your loved one knows what it is and that is sufficient.
 * Do you have a feeling that goes with it? Shame? Embarrassment?  Disappointment?  Something else?
 * How big are the feelings that go with this memory?
 * Is it too difficult to think about? Is it manageable to think about? Does it feel vulnerable? Do you relive it?
 * What would you need to soothe or address those feelings if you were to be able to talk about it?
 * Is there a politic to addressing this issue? What needs to be said or done about this?

Interventions

 * Empty Chair
 * Information and worksheet - https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/forgiveness-therapy
 * On Not Holding Grudges | Ten Percent Happier Podcast | Bonus Meditation with Diana Winston - https://bit.ly/3LcdJiY

Psychoeducation

 * Augsburger: Helping People Forgive - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0664256864/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
 * Gottman: Seven Ways Forgiveness Can Transform Your Relationship - https://www.instagram.com/p/CCwk9Bgn1iB/
 * Smedes: Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006128582X/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_image?ie=UTF8&psc=1
 * GoodTherapy - Forgiveness: What It Isn’t—and What It Can Be - https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/forgiveness-what-it-isnt-what-it-can-be-1206164